i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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