remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
