First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
