i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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