So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
