Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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