Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
