I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
