when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
