"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
