do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
