I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
birth control should be required to get into college
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
