Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize