i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
