It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize