I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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