His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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