Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
COCAINE IS GR8
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize