I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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