It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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