Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
