she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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