Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize