I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
