grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
