Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
