I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
