If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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