well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
