watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
