Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
