new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
