just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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