why didn't you poke me back
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
