She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
