This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize