dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
