My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
