I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize