please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm at about main and main street
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
