I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
