Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
