We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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