Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
