Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
