don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
