I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
do herpes really smell.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
