We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
