she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
