Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
