There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found your dick twin last night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
