Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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