Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
