ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
