He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
