This girl is more easily done than said...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
