doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
