I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
