This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
be right there i have to get my cape
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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