My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
