I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
