Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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