Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
