What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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