some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
