I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
