I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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