Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
