Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
